Cincinnati BDSM Community Classroom
This website is a BDSM community site intended for mature adults over the age of 18.
We offer BDSM and kink classes, private rental space for small events and education for anyone in the Cincinnati community that wants to get in touch with their kinkier side.
We are not a club
We are not a dating site
We are not a place to hook up
How to use Fetlife
Fetlife is the worlds largest “kink” community. There are great people of every gender, identity and role imaginable on Fetlife.
At the same time it is a free x-rated website so that does attract some bad people. Does that mean you should give into fear and avoid it? NO! The positive far outweighs the negative on Fetlife. There are sincere people that are excited to share their thoughts, ideas, kinks and art (there is a lot of really cool art) with others who share their interests. If you have realistic expectations and are smart about it you can enjoy the good and ignore the bad.
BEFORE YOU JOIN FETLIFE READ THIS!
- When you join you have to create a profile but do not fill it out. Seriously, don’t fill it out yet! NO PICTURES! NO NOTHING!
- The owners of Fetlife want Fetlife to be a community. They have made purposefully made the site hard to use for dating, As an example you can’t search profiles by age, sex or relationship status. Men still outnumber women about 20 to 1. Both men and women try to use the site purely for hook ups (they search the forums and search by city).
- If a woman puts any info in your profile or post any pic you will attract their attention and be overwhelmed with messages. It will be like that scene in Finding Nemo where the seagulls are fighting “FISH!”, “ITS MY FISH!”, “NO ITS MINE!”
- Once you joined go to this link Fetlife.com/search/groups and join some groups that interest you. Start by searching for your city, those groups know about local events. You can also search by topic, role or general interests. There are groups for everything from Cincinnati BDSM to fans of the TV show Firefly.
- You aren’t required to comment so no need to be scared. You are free to just lurk, read and learn.
- If you do have any questions most of the people there are very kind and helpful. You will quickly learn anything you want to know if you do find the courage to ask.
- There are some idiots (as mentioned above) in any community but ignore them and don’t give up.
IF YOUR GOAL IS TO DATE READ OUR BDSM DATING ADVICE
BDSM dating advice
Dating, for someone who has BDSM and fetish interests, can be hard. That isn’t a first date conversation, however, you also don’t want to waste 4 or 5 dates before you find out someone doesn’t share your interest or worse, finds BDSM offensive.
There are dating websites geared towards BDSM, but most are scams. Even the legitimate websites are full of people that are inexperienced with BDSM or only want sex. This is a primer about how to find a relationship that is based on whatever your flavor of BDSM is.
First of all, the best way to find a partner is not a dating website. It is getting out and meeting real people at BDSM events. Many cities have BDSM groups that sponsor meeting and events specifically for new people
These events (often called “munches”) are the best option because they are well chaperoned and make sure that the people attending stay safe. It also allows you to bring a trusted friend or make friends there with people that share your interest. If you don’t want to go alone contact the organizer and ask for them to introduce you to someone of the same role that would introduce you around (Doms are helped by Doms, subs helped by subs). Many are happy to do this for new people with a sincere interest.
Events can be intimidating, especially as a new person going alone. Fortunately there is a website called Fetlife.
BEFORE you go hop on Fetlife read this http://www.learnaboutbdsm.com/fetlife-how-to/
Once you have joined Fetlife you can find local events here (https://fetlife.com/events/near_me_in_city)
If you aren’t comfortable with going to an event or you want to find something purely online, here is what you should do.
A little bit of homework
- Write out a list of realistic expectations. Yes, write it down. Describe your ideal (not perfect because no one is perfect) match. Do you want someone new who will explore with you or someone experienced that can show you the way? Someone your age or someone older?
- Write down what kind of relationship do you want? Casual dating or committed and monogamous? Someone that will go to events with you or just play online? Be specific.
- Write down your likes outside the bedroom. Even a full time live in BDSM relationship will be just a fraction of the time you spend together. Make sure you find someone that enjoys the same things you do the rest of the day/night.
- Make sure you have realistic expectations for what kind of response you will receive.
Women – you will get a LOT of responses (especially if you post pics of yourself) and likely feel overwhelmed. Be prepared, maybe even write a polite but firm turn down response to copy/paste into your replies.
Men – you will be one of many responding. Copy and paste messages won’t stand out and neither will the short, one liners that sound like the script for a phone sex like. Make it worth their time to respond.
Creating your Dom/Sub profile
- Join a site and look around. Wait for AT LEAST 2 weeks before filling out any profile info or responding to any messages
- Look at the profiles of others like yourself. If you are a Dom look at other Dom profiles. If you are submissive look at other submissive profiles.
- Don’t state in your profile that you are new or don’t know what you are doing. That will attract people who prey on novices. Being new is nothing to be ashamed of, we all started somewhere. You can always tell someone the details in your 2nd or 3 conversation.
- Use a city nearby, but not yours if you are worried about privacy.
- If the site allows you to filter responses use them and make it clear in your profile so that readers that don’t fit what you are looking for won’t waste their time.
- Post normal G rated pics. You can always share dirty ones later but you will get better responses if you present yourself in a positive way from the start.
- On many websites like Fetlife and Alt.com you can mark photos so that only friends can see them
- Don’t post a pic unless it is of you. Most websites will delete your profile and ban you for using a picture that isn’t of you (just because others get away with it doesn’t mean you should sink to their level)
- In your profile answer a few basic questions. What your ideal match is, what you offer and exactly what kind of relationship you are looking for.
- Towards the end of your profile ask anyone responding to title their response with something specific like “Title your message with your favorite song. When you write me tell me about where we would go on our first date.” This will tell you that they read it and its not a copy and paste message.
- As you get responses there will be things that you want to add. Keep it positive, don’t mention bad experiences
Interacting with Doms and subs
- A good Dom believes in manners and respect. He will show that from the start and continue showing that as long as you return it
- If someone contacts you pretending to be a Dom and making rude or explicit comments immediately, respond that you are not interested and ignore them. If they harass you after you have said you aren’t interested, block them
- Read the profiles of people that contact you. Pay attention to who their friends are and what groups they belong to. Observe the company they keep as well as how they express themselves in the comments they leave. This will tell you the most about them. Ask yourself if that is the kind of person with whom you want to be associated.
- Don’t be afraid to make first contact. A Dom loves when a woman makes it clear she is interested
- If you decide to correspond through email use an email address you set up only for online dating.
- Ask for a proof pic. This is a G-rated pic of a person holding up sign with a specific message on it like “Hi Joe”. That way you know the pic is recent and really of them.
- Don’t meet until you have talked a few times on the phone or shared a video call.
- Ask lots of questions. Many Doms enjoy teaching and training a sub so your being curious will appeal to them.
- Be clear about what you need. Again, a good Dom is used to training so they are patient and understanding. A sub by their nature, wants to please and live up to expectations. At the same time don’t play games or waste their time. Earning trust goes both ways.
If you have any other suggestions about how to find your Dom/sub partner, leave a comment below!
In recent years many popular novels have been written about BDSM by people that obviously have no idea of what the dynamics of a good D/s relationship truly is. To say that the 50 Shades trilogy is about BDSM would be equal to saying Iron Man comic books are about science.
In an effort to combat the false image that BDSM has gotten, we are going to showcase stories by men and women that truly embody the role they take in their relationship.
If you would like to contribute an original piece please use our contact page to let us know.
BDSM dating website reviews
Before visiting any BDSM dating website please read our BDSM dating advice
If you are thinking of paying for membership on a dating website consider this. If you pay to join a website and send messages that doesn’t mean that people you are writing can read your messages. Often the receiver can only read messages if they also have a paid membership. This means that sending messages on a paid site may be a waste of time. Before paying for a membership be sure they let unpaid members read messages.
Kinkd App Review
Find our review of KinkD here http://www.cincinnatibdsm.com/review-bdsm-dating-app-kinkd/
Vanilla Umbrella App Review
See our review here http://www.learnaboutbdsm.com/vanilla-umbrella-review/
6 out of 10 rating
Pros: It is free to send and read messages.
Cons A new website so the membership is small. The search features are very clunky and hard to use. It was actively moderated in the beginning to keep out fakes but that seems to have fallen to the wayside. We had different people send messages to support and no one ever got a response.
4 out of 10 rating
Pros: One of the oldest BDSM dating websites and free to use.
Cons: It is also very outdated and full of scams because the admins do not moderate it at all.
Read our review of Bondage.com and Alt.Com here
There is a special warning in our review
We tried signing up for this site but could not create an account. We contacted support and they never responded. The reports are that the website is mostly men and almost no women.
1 out of 10 rating
Pros: The members on there are often real but very few, and no substantiated reports of bots have been received.
– This website will allow you a “free” membership that you can’t really do anything with.
– To send or respond to messages you have to pay for a membership. That means you can waste your time sending messages to people who haven’t paid to read them.
– WHEN YOU SIGN UP YOU GIVE THE WEBSITE PERMISSION TO SHARE YOUR INFORMATION, PROFILE AND PHOTOS ON OTHER WEBSITES
Do you have experience with a BDSM dating website? Share it by leaving a comment below.
Fetlife Groups for Ohio Cities
Fetlife is a great resource for anyone sincerely wanting to get involved in BDSM. There are a lot of groups on Fet that are local/city based. Here are a few of the better ones for Ohio cities.
Now here are the Fetlife groups by city
The Columbus Space
Limits are the foundation of a D/s relationship and in another article we will discuss why. There are three basic kinds of “limits” in BDSM. This post will give a brief overview of them.
It should be noted that a sub/bottom does not need to give a reason for their limits. Their limits should be respected regardless of the logic or rationale behind them.
Universal Limit – These are limits which are more than just a limit. They are the law and typically the same for all respectable practitioners of BDSM. Universal limits include involving people against their will, children or animals.
A few examples would be
- Abusing a child/minor
- Forcing someone that is drunk or unable to give consent
- Rape or when it is clear the submissive is unwilling to participate
Hard limit – A hard limit is something that must not be done. Violating a hard limit is often considered just cause for ending a scene or even a relationship. These are things the submissive states she will never allow and her Dominant will respect.
- “Scat is a hard limit for me”
- “I have a back injury, so striking on the back is a hard limit”
- “I was abused and he would choke me so choking is a hard limit”
Soft limit – A soft limit is something that a person hesitates about or places conditions on, but for which they will still give informed consent. These can be limits because you have never tried them or you have a specific concern that you want to make sure is address. They may also be limits that change over time as trust and desires grow.
- “I would have a 3some but only if we are on vacation so I know I would never see them again.”
- “I like anal but only if there is a lot of lube”
- “You can tie me up but you have to promise you won’t tickle me.”
These are just a few examples. Outside of universal limits, they vary for everyone. Limits should be respected by a Dominant no matter how silly or small they seem. Decide for yourself what your limits are, be open and honest about them.
Also keep in mind that limits may change. You may trust your dominant more and be willing to take greater risks. You may make something a limit and then see it at a a BDSM event and want to try it. You may think something sounds fun but when you experience it, you decide to add it to your list of limits. Limits evolve as your experiences grow. Discuss them with your Dom and adjust them when you feel the need.
Review of the dating app Vanilla Umbrella
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: Versions for iPhone and Android. They boast about 800,000 users. It is free to send messages if you and the other person have both “liked” each other. It is NOT easy to sign up. They do that to weed out fakes and people just wanting to play games online. Read the instructions in the email they send to get it right.
Cons: It costs 10 credits to send a message to people that haven’t liked you. There are free ways to earn credits and if you verify your account you start with 150 credits. They don’t tell you when someone last logged in. There is no website to log into from a computer. The app is slow and hard to navigate on a phone. Couples often show up as single people. They don’t offer any filters for role, distance, height, or body type. All the measurements are in metric and they don’t offer an option to change that for American users. They allow users to post photos that aren’t of themselves (memes, flowers, pets).
Safety tips for meeting someone the first time
Meeting a Dominant or Master in person can be exciting and intimidating at the same time. Everyone hears the urban myths and horror stories because people like to talk about the bad more than the good. The vast majority of interactions are safe, as long as you follow a few simple suggestions.
- Always meet in public
- Always have a safety call. That is someone you call before you meet the person, knows who you are meeting and you call a few hours later to let them know you are safe. (give them a window like 9pm-10pm just in case you get caught up in the excitement and forget)
- Most cities have a decent BDSM community with a few events and meetings (in public) every month. You can find out more on our BDSM Resources page
- Always make sure you discuss limits (read more about them here) BEFORE discussing the fun stuff. If a Dom/Master doesn’t ask BEFORE they talk dirty to you that is a sign they are inexperienced or don’t respect you and care about your safety
- Never play with someone who doesn’t know what they are doing. Ropes, wax and other things are AMAZING FUN. At the same time they are very dangerous. A candle can cause 3rd degree burns. A bad knot can cut off circulation or cause nerve damage.
- BDSM isn’t about sex. It is about mind over body. Find a space where you are comfortable and play safe.
List of BDSM Fetishes and Activities
In a previous post we discussed the importance of setting bdsm limits. It is important to keep in mind what is a hard limit for one person can be a fetish for another. This list below is very long and includes many different types of play and relationships. No one is going to enjoy all of them. It is ok to say you don’t understand or don’t like something.
At the same time BDSM relationships rely on respect. Not only for ourselves and our partners, but for others in the community. Even though we may not enjoy a specific activity or idea, we must respect those in the community whose desires are different than ours.
The Dominant and submissive should both complete these checklists separately. Once completed, and only after completion, should they share their lists.
Click this link to download our BDSM CHECKLIST in PDF format